The Ballad of Nickle N. Dime
Once upon a spell, in the days of yore,
lived a lawman in tales of lore.
The unknown lawman in the old west time,
this is the ballad of Nickle N. Dime.
He was the greatest sheriff the west ever saw,
He fought the worst, the scum, he upheld the law.
He wrassled with the russlers,
he tussled with the tasslers,
he routed the rebels,
and roused the rabble.
this is the ballad of Nickle N. Dime.
But then one day, Terrible Ted, the Two-Toothed Terlet Tumbler
rode into town on his bull.
Ol' Nickle went out to face Terrible Ted, as he was wont to do,
But that dang old bull slipped in his own poo.
When all was said and done, it was up, old Nickle, his time,
because that dumb old bull couldn't turn on a Dime.
A little bit about me...
When I was born, I was 0.
Then I was raised by wild Leprechauns. They were my family for awhile, until Oprah came along. She adopted me, and stole the Leprechauns gold, then ate them (I think).
I then proceeded to grow up, which was a long and arduous process, and involved the legendary Spear of Longinus more than once. When I grew up, I met Thor. I borrowed his hammer to put up some shelves. After that, he stopped speaking to me. I tried to make it up to him. I sent him the bitchin' est ballpeen hammer. I think that pissed him off more.
I've been struck by lightning 847 times. Coincidence?
After that I went swimming one day, and was swallowed by a giant sea sponge. I don't know how the hell that happened, and frankly, I don't want to know.
I somehow escaped. I won't go into details, but I got hit by lightning again.
That's when I decided to settle down and try out this here "inter-net". I hear Al Gore made it, so it has to be good, right?
The End.
(Pre)Ponderances
I once quoted to Sasquatch, "You know, if you walk a mile in a man's shoes..."
I told the Loch Ness Monster, "you shouldn't really be here." She didn't get it either.
Once, I spotted a Unicorn. But then it started to rain, and the unicorn ran into a tree trying to get away. Now we have Zebras. (think about it)
I once saw a sea monster. But... isn't that idea? Why else would it be called a 'sea (see) monster'?
"C" is for cookie, that's good enough for Cookie Monster. And me.
If "i" before "e" except after "c", well... what the hell made "c" so special?
And what's with all the "C" related ponderances?
If I mix Coca-Cola and 7-up (the 'un-cola'), will the universe explode?
Do Identical Twins occur when God's copy machine gets jammed and He presses the button twice?
Maybe the Platypus isn't an amalgamation of other animals, but rather maybe those other animals happened when a platypus exploded, and each piece took on a life of it's own.
How come super models can't fly under their own power?
A Limerick
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose beard was so long he kept stepping on it.
What? I have no irish in me whatsoever!
