Tuesday, November 22, 2005

My Conspiracy Theory Theory

I have a conspiracy theory on conspiracy theories. I theorize that conspiracies are purposely conspiring to theorize about conspiracy theories. That is, the more theories that conspire with the conspiracies, the more conspiracy theories are going to theoretically conspire. If these conspiracies continue to theorize about conspiracy theories, the more conspiracy theories will arise from the theories of these conspiracies. We must stop theorizing with the conspiracies about conspiracy theories, or theoretically, conspiracies will become the theory, and theory will no longer hold any power over the conspiracy.

The conspiracy theory states that any conspiracy based upon a theory, must theoretically conspire to the conspiracy, or else there is no theory. So if a theory is present, so must be a conspiracy for the theory to conspire with. When such a theoretical conspiracy of theories within the conspiracy theory takes place, it forms a 'conspiracy worm hole', thru which all theories conspiring with other theories and conspiracies, are inevitably dragged in by the uncontrollable inertia of such conspiracies, and their theories. HOWEVER! (and this is a biggie) if the theories are conspiring with other theories, WITHIN the conspiracy, then the conspiracy contains no actual mass, and hence, no true inertia, theoretically. Problem is, Newton's theory on theories tends to conspire against this theory, but since no true conspiracy theory has ever lacked a conspiracy, or a theory, this theory is unproven, and I think it's just another conspiracy theory conspiring to hide the true theory from the rest of us.

posted by Mark @ 9:29 PM 0 comments

How to clean Jpegs

(reposted from an old post of mine on the alt.graphics.photoshop newsgroup)

What I do to clean jpegs:

First, I save them to a floppy disk. Then I take the floppy over to the sink, and run the water luke warm only! Cold water frightens jpegs, and if it's too hot, your jpeg will expand and explode. Then with a nice soft cloth, I put just a dalop of common household dish detergent (Sunlight works best). Then I gently clean it, making sure to scrub behind it's ears, and it's backside (you'd be amazed at how crusty jpegs can get if not properly washed). After I'm done washing it, then I rinse it off gently, making sure not to get any suds in it's wittle bitty eyes. Then I wrap it ever so gently in a nice warm towel, where I sit on the couch with it and sing soft lullabyes to it, until if falls asleep. They are so darn cute when they're sleeping! After that brief nap, I reinsert the floppy into my disk drive, and extract the jpeg, and viola! it's clean as a whistle!

posted by Mark @ 9:27 PM 1 comments