Seinfeld: the X 90210 Vampire Slayer Files

George: So... Jerrrry! Are you ever gonna tell us who this 'watcher' guy is? Or are we just gonna follow him, blind as bats! into every little sewer he tells ya too?
Jerry: George, you reaaally need to relax! Has my watcher, and what's the deal with that? Is he watching me all the time? Does he know, what soap I use in the shower? George, remind me, to check my showerhead for a camera.
George: Whatever!
Elaine: So Jerry. What is our mission tonight? Can we hurry it up, I met the cutest guy today, and we've got a.. date *natch* later.
Jerry: Calm your hormones, ms. hocus pocus. I think you've been practising that potion number 9 a little too much.
Elaine: (rolling her eyes back) Whatever...

Kramer slams open the door, and trips on Jerry's throw rug. Crosses and stakes go flying everywhere. The audience goes wild.

Jerry: Hey! Hey! Hey! Kramer! Can you be a little more careful with those deadly stakes, PLEASE?!
Kramer: Whoa. Sorry buddy. Yeeahha, I just get excited whenever we go on these giddyaps!
George: Okay, okay, we're all here now. So where are we going?
Jerry: We're going... Thataway! (points to California)

The gang gathers around as Jerry stands proud, pointing at the window.

Elaine: Jerry, what the Hell are you pointing at?
Jerry: California (goofy grin)
George and Elaine: California?!!
Kramer: Giddyup!

The gang makes it to California, in Kramer's car. I leave that little scene to your imagination. :]

George: Elaine! I can't believe you..
Elaine: Oh shut up! It was your fault you..
Jerry: Quiet people! Can't you smell that? That's the smell of money!
Kramer: (taps Jerry's shoulder) actually, that's my car, it can't take unleaded gasoline.
Jerry: (taking a deep breath) Yeah, well...

Mulder and Scully walk up to Jerry

Mulder: Uh, sir? I think your car is on fire.
Jerry: Yeah, I know! (smiling)
Mulder: That makes it a fire hazard. Are you aware you're putting the lives of these people in jeopardy?
Jerry: Oh, it's okay. If you knew them, you'd be cheering for the car to blow.
Mulder: (whispering to Scully) Either this guy is a complete moron, or some kind of a criminal mastermind looking to establish a stronghold on the west coast.
Scully: (whispering to Mulder) Actually, I think he's too stupid to be either. I'm going with alien.
Mulder: (shockingly to Scully) Dana, I didn't know you had it in you.
Scully: Mr... whatever your name is, are you in need of assistance?
Jerry: No (big smile) we're fine, we're just fine (deep breath).

Later on...

George: Jerry, did you see the redhead? I'm sure she was staring at me...
Jerry: Oh, come on! If she was staring at you, it was because she was trying to identify your wanted poster!
George: No! I'm serious Jerry, (whispering) I think she was undressing me with her eyes.
Jerry: Yeah, and redressing you in prison blues. Get outta here!
George: Elaine, don't you think she was staring at me?
Elaine: Whatever.
George: Kramer?
Kramer: Oh, she was hot for you pal! Yeeahhha, no doubt about it. You're in!
George: (smacking Jerry's soldier)See! I told ya!
Jerry: If you do that again, I'm gonna slay you right here.
Elaine: Please do.
Jerry: Hey, be ni.. Hey, I think that's the vampire over there!

Brenda: Like really David, I could gag!
David: I know it was like... ARRGH!
Brenda: What the... ARRGH!

George: Jerry, how come there not poofing?! Vampires are supposed to go poof! Jerry!
Jerry: I don't know! They looked like vampires!
Kramer: Oh, you're in trouble now, psshew
Jerry: But how could the watcher do this to me?! Unless...

Newman: BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! I've got you now Seinfeld! HEHEHEHEHHEHE! Watcher indeed! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

... fin

posted by Mark @ 3:55 AM